


Scientific Support

by Elundari



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anger, Depression, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Regret, Self-Hatred, Team as Family, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-20 13:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2430764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elundari/pseuds/Elundari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How are you supposed to live when your entire world has been shattered? How does the world move forward when you can't? How can you ever let anyone in when all it does is expose you to more loss? How in the hell is Tony going to figure this out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Explosions flashing all around him in the dark. Fire raging out of control on the tanker below. Impossibly strong adversaries with burning bright orange eyes appearing at an instant and then disappearing as a suit swooped past. All Tony could feel was the cold bar of metal pressing painfully against his hips as he strained with all his might, begging Pepper to trust him, hand outstretched waiting to catch her, to save her from his own ego and stupidity. She looked into his eyes, her face tense with worry and fright.  
“I can’t reach you, you have to jump, trust me!” Tony pleaded.  
And she did.  
Tony lunged his out stretched hand towards her, felt her fingertips brush his and then felt his heart stop as he watch her fall past his reach, down into the flames so far below. Numb painful disbelieve. Shock, horror. No time to feel. More bright lights flash. Everything around him is a blur. Fighting, dodging, pain, more fighting. Ending up on the deck spent and exhausted. Watching with disbelief as Pepper rose from the dead, from plumes of fire like a proverbial phoenix, her eyes burning bright orange…  
Tony woke with a sharp intake of breath. His bed sheets, drenched in sweat, were knotted around him as if he’d been thrashing about. His breathing nothing more than ragged irregular gasps of air. It took him a moment to register that he was safe in his own bed. The short burst of relief that allowed him to regain control of his breathing was quickly followed by a crushing blow to his chest as he remembered his dream. How he desperately wished that it had happened like that. His mouth twisted into a wry smile that came nowhere near his tormented eyes, his mind even liked torturing him in his sleep. He vaguely wondered if that was caused by his insomnia or if his insomnia was caused by his mind torturing him. He flopped down from the half raised stance he had awoken to and allowed himself the dark indulgence of running his dream though his mind. Not that he hadn’t done that a thousand times already. If only Tony had been able to catch her like he promised, if only, Peppers body had accepted the extremis vaccine allowing her to survive, if only he hadn’t pulled that damn stupid stunt with the cell phone that allowed them to find her, if only, if only.

  
Tony pulled the covers back and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting for a moment with his head in hands. The pain of waking up to no Pepper was hard enough. A sharp stabbing pain that lanced its way through every aspect of his life. That along with the constant empty ache, Tony could just about bear. That was his punishment after all. A constant reminder that he had failed in just about every way possible. No, Tony could just about endure that. What crushed him was knowing that Pepper’s last act was to trust him. He’d promised to catch her, and his last act to her was to let her down again. His mind quickly flashed to the day of the funeral before he could close it down. Hell no! He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to try and stop the burning feeling that was threatening but the hitch in his breath he could do nothing about.

“Pull yourself together Stark” he growled at himself. Turning his head he cast a resigned glance over at the bedside clock, 2.45 am; shit not even two hours sleep. Tony raked his fingers through his hair then stood up. He wondered where exactly it was 5pm in the world as he padded softly to the bar.  
***

Bright sunlight pierced his eyelids like scalding hot needles. His eyes felt gritty, his mouth dry, his head, well there was no way to describe what his head felt like. Groaning slightly he frowned and tried to move. Blissfully a shadow passed across his face blocking some of the sunlight out. Wait something wasn’t quite right about that, but for the life of him Tony couldn’t get his brain to figure out why. Resigned to the fact that he was coming around Tony peeled his eyelids apart and looked up from the very hard patch of floor he had finally collapsed on, into a pair of staring eyes. No wait, Tony rubbed his blurry eyes and looked again. The pair of eyes was actually one eye, he was just seeing double. Great this should be fun!

“Good Morning sleeping beauty, decided to join the rest of us in the world today” Fury’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Um not…” Tony stopped to clear his throat “…not by choice” He struggled to a sitting position, somehow it felt less threatening than having Fury standing over him while he was prone on his back. “What time is it” He managed to croak while trying desperately to engage his brain in any kind of activity.

“Time you were up and about.” Fury seemed to be, well furious. His lips were pressed together in a thin line and Tony had rarely seen him this angry. The self-preservation part of his brain had the good sense to point out to him that he had really annoyed Fury in the past and he still hadn’t seen him like this so something must be wrong. Gathering what cognitive functions he had managed to regain Tony hoisted himself to a standing position, swaying dangerously he decided to clutch the bar he was standing next to. Damn his mouth felt like sandpaper. Tony looked wistfully at the remainder of a bottle of scotch but for the moment decided against it.

“So,” Fury started, “Care to tell me why I’ve got the whole god-damn council coming down on my head hmm?” Tony tried to think of a smart assed comment but honestly he had no idea what Fury was even talking about. His brow furrowed in concentration.

“Dunno why, are they?’ he shrugged out, realising that his voice was more slurred than he liked it to be especially when talking to Director Fury. J.A.R.V.I.S. usually kept people well at bay until he came round. Tony made a mental note to work on the security systems so Fury wouldn’t be able to have free access to his tower!

“Well now let me think about that for a moment” Tony had the sense to keep quiet while Fury went on. “You know it could be the Hulk sized problem we had in Cambodia, but no we managed to handle that, just about. No I think it’s the call for assistance the Avengers Initiative put out to Iron Man that Tony God-Damn-I’m-Too-Good-For-This Stark was too busy to even acknowledge!” Fury was on the verge of shouting by this point. Tony fought back a bout of alcohol induced queasiness while he desperately tried to recall the last time any of the Avengers had contacted him. All he could recall was at Pepper’s f…….No! Tony slammed the door shut on the memory, not here, not in front of Fury!  
He focused his red rimmed eyes on to the one hard eye glaring back at him and tried to shrug somewhat nonchalantly.

“Sorry to disappoint but I haven’t had time check to check my voice mail today” Damn he really needed a drink now.

“Stark we’ve been trying to get hold of you for three days! Three god-damn days! Now the council is pulling everyone in for a stupid-assed training exercise to see if they actually have any amount of control of you all!” Fury ran his hand over his head in frustration. “Look just get changed you’re coming with me.” Tony just nodded in mute agreement and started to focus every ounce of his concentration on putting one foot in front of the other to make it across the room. Like hell was he going to fall in front of Fury! Once he made it to the privacy of his bedroom he flopped on his bed.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. how long was I out for?”

“ _Two and half days sir_ ” came the A.I.’s response “ _But you were….unresponsive to anything I said for almost three days before._ ” Wow thought Tony, a three day bender, no wonder I feel like crap. As comfortable as his bed was at that particular moment in time he didn’t really fancy being retrieved from it by an angry Fury so he forced himself back on to two feet. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the ‘fun’ the next few days were going to be. Sighing to himself he started to get dressed.

By the time the transport arrived at the Helicarrier Tony had sworn to himself that the very next invention he would work on would be a form of transport with absolutely no vibration!  
***

The central command point hadn’t changed at all since the last time Tony was there. Not that it really surprised him it was just, with everything that had happened in the last year and a half, everything that had turned his life upside down it felt strange that this place, any place should be so untouched. It was confirmation that life really does just carry on. Tony resisted the urge to sigh and took another large gulp from his sixth cup of coffee. The expensive designer sunglasses he was wearing may have made him look cool and nonchalant but in reality were doing precious little against the sun that was beaming in from the windows. Deep down Tony felt that Fury liked him to have to squint at him, sort of a very tongue in cheek power play. Nursing the cardboard cup in his hand he cast a glance round the table. The Hawk was sat there sprawled in his chair, legs outstretched, fingers interlaced across his stomach, head back with a look that said he very much didn’t care to be there.  
That makes two of us buddy he thought. Natasha was sat with her elbows on the table hands clasped with her chin resting on them; brows furrowed looking almost as though she was listening intently but her eyes said she was deep in thought about something else. Cap was sat next to her, bolt upright, he actually _was_ listening intently. Resisting the urge to shake his head the thought popped into his mind that if anyone actually saw what Steve was like it wouldn’t be Rhodey who got the nickname of a red white and blue attack dog, although red white and blue puppy dog was probably more apt for Cap. Thor was nowhere to be seen, not surprising really. Tony wasn’t sure that Asgard had managed to get a completely reliable transportation system working yet. The only other person at the table was Dr Banner. Tony glanced to his immediate right at the man sitting slightly slumped in his chair, listening to Fury but looking too tired to really care.

Jeez the man really did look tired! For all the lack of sleep Tony was having Bruce looked like he had it worse. The man looked almost haggard. Tony wouldn’t have believed that it was possible for him to look much worse than the last time they met. The fact that he had lost weight was glaringly obvious, a lot of weight actually. His face had a greyish tinge about it. He had a half healed cut on his face and was holding himself like his was nursing an injury to his right hand side. This was what Tony found the most odd, even after the battle against the Chitari Bruce had sustained no injuries from the other guy’s activities – Tony wondered how exactly S.H.I.E.L.D. had managed to contain the ‘Hulk incident’. So lost in his train of thought he was that the first time he was aware anyone had spoken to him was when the deep brown eyes of the subject he was currently studying turned to look at him.

“Are you even listening to what I’m saying Mr Stark?” Brought back to earth with a jolt Tony cast a quick glance around the table which told him that everyone else was looking at him and that Fury clearly expected an answer. Damn he hated being caught on the hop by Fury.

“Listening, working on processing” Tony smiled sarcastically at him.

“Well I’m sorry it’s so hard for you to adjust to the idea of being here with all of us.” Tony hated that glare. Seriously what right did a man with one eye have to be able to glare down all and look so threatening?

“Um not all, just some.” Tony quipped. Steve rolled his eyes. He actually thought Tony might have changed, apparently not. Fury carried on talking.

“So for the time being, until otherwise decided by the council you’re all to remain on-board this ship.” Fury continued “Don’t make me regret bringing you together in the first place. Dismissed.” Fury turned and stalked off. Agent Hill following briskly behind him. Tony hadn’t even noticed her standing there.

“Great house arrest without the house.” Tony grumbled.

“It’s not that bad Stark” Steve reprimanded lightly “In the army...”

“Yeah well I’m not in the army and my home is pretty well damn awesome, so I’d kinda like to be there.” Irritation bubbled in his chest.

“Steve’s right it could be worse.” Bruce piped up wearily “And it’s probably only for a short time, I can’t honestly see Fury wanting to keep us cooped up any longer than necessary.”

“Back in your box Banner” Tony retorted quietly, he couldn’t bring himself to put any kind of malice in it. He really did feel bad for the guy. Bruce smiled at him.

“Just saying.” Bruce stood up and a quick flash of pain shadowed his face. Again Tony wondered what might have caused it but didn’t want to ask in front of the others. After all he didn’t like people prying into his personal life and he was pretty sure that Bruce was even less keen than himself.

“Yeah, well I dibs top bunk”

“Tony, we have our own rooms remember.” Steve shook his head trying to remember how they’d ever really got along. After New York Steve had spent some time with Tony and Pepper helping to rebuild the Avengers Tower. He’d almost got used to Tony, almost even started to like him. He looked across table at the man who he was sure was glaring at him behind the dark glasses. He looked like a pale comparison of the grinning man he remembered joking with Pepper. He remembered how hard Tony had taken Pepper’s funeral and decided to cut the guy a little slack. The last year hadn’t been a kind one for Tony Stark.

“Yeah well mine will barely be able to contain this much awesome, so it’s the room equivalent of a top bunk.” Tony eyed Steve through his glasses. Steve just shrugged, stood up and walked out of the room. Tony had apparently regressed back to an eight year old, perfect.

“Well my stuff is already in my room so I’m going to head to the lab. Feel free to join me if you want.” Tony watched Bruce’s retreating back. Clint and Natasha had apparently left at some point during the conversation. He sat mulling over his coffee. How long had it been exactly since he’d had a conversation, well with anyone other than J.A.R.V.I.S or Dummy. As much as he resented having to be here a tiny part of him seemed to be almost happy at the idea of actual human company. Tony scowled. He did not like that, not one bit.


	2. Chapter 2

Bruce fidgeted on his stool. He’d been pouring over the plans he’d made on one of the holographic tablets that Stark Industries had kitted the Helicarrier’s lab out with for too long for his side to like. The swirls of the diagrams and the equations written around it hovered neatly in front of him. He just couldn’t quite get it to work. Bruce had had enough experience in third world medical situations to know that cleanliness was often a luxury let alone sterilization so he was trying to design a self-powered highly mobile sterilisation unit utilizing gamma radiation, preferably as both the power source and the means of killing off any bacteria. Sadly the only prototype that had worked so far was definitely not small enough to fit inside a doctor’s bag. Engineering had never been one of Bruce’s strong points and trying to figure out how to get everything smaller yet still functional was, for Bruce at least, frustratingly difficult. At least now he had the not so insignificant brain of Tony Stark to pick. He looked across at where Tony was leant over a lab table. He had a pencil balanced on its point, the pad of his index figure resting on the flat end moving it slowly in absent minded circles. His face was deadly serious like he was mulling something over.

“Everything going ok over there?” Bruce asked with a querying look as he cleaned the lenses of his glasses on the edge of his shirt.

“Hmm what? Sorry didn’t catch that.” The pencil fell to the table with a clatter as Tony looked up at Bruce.

“Well” Bruce started a little hesitantly “You’ve been in the lab almost two hours now and while I don’t doubt the intrigue that a pencil can hold you haven’t taken anything apart or complained about the inferior equipment S.H.I.E.L.D. is using. That’s ummm…..unusual for you.” He hooked his glasses over his ears and slid them back on his nose watching Tony as he formulated his reply.

“You’re right.” He nodded, “They do have woefully inadequate equipment!” Tony stared with disgust at a (to anyone else) state of the art chromatograph. “It almost makes me want to give them some new toys.” Tony prodded the chromatograph with the newly retrieved pencil “Almost” he repeated flashing Bruce a quick grin. Bruce chuckled involuntary but was cut short by a sharp intake of breath. Tony watched as he clutched his side. It was obvious that he was in pain.

“So what happened to you big guy, other fellow get the better of you?” Tony walked up to the table Bruce was currently sitting at.

“It’s nothing” Bruce tried to wave away his concern. “Just a couple of broken ribs.” 

Tony chuckled “Let me guess, you should have seen the other guy…” Bruce gave Tony a good natured scowl.

“That’s not that funny you know.” Tony stopped chuckling and righted his face. 

“I’m serious Bruce – how’d you get injured, I thought you were immune to that what with the rate the other guy heals at.” Tony looked at Bruce with genuine concern. Bruce sighed as deeply as he could without aggravating his ribs.

“I had er, a little issue in Cambodia. I was heading towards a populated area. S.H.I.E.L.D. didn’t want any bad press so they decided to shepherd the um, Other Guy using explosives.”

“Well that sounds like the genius idea one can expect to come out of S.H.I.E.L.D.” Tony scoffed. “But seriously nothing touched you during New York, what kind of explosives were they using?”

“Fairly low grade stuff actually, from what Fury told me.” Bruce shifted uncomfortably on his stool “It was just that one had apparently not exploded as it should have done, I had just got the other guy back under control and was changing back as it went off.” He smiled a pained smile and shook his head “I almost lost control of him again; mind had I realised how much this was going to hurt I might have let him go regardless.” Tony watched as Bruce held his side trying to alleviate the pain a little. The idea of people supposedly on their side firing on the Hulk made Tony’s blood boil. White hot anger coursed through his veins, his jaw tensed and he ground his teeth together.

“Are you ok there?” asked Bruce tentatively. Tony shook his head and wondered vaguely what he’d be like if he had the ability to Hulk out. Not as calm as Bruce that was a fact.

“You’re too hard on him you know Bruce.” Tony stated matter of factly meeting Bruce’s enquiring expression straight on.

“What the Other Guy?” Bruce expressed incredibly “No” he said shaking his head. “You’ve seen him Tony all he does is smash and cause chaos. The only reason he behaved before was because he could smash and kill things!”

“He saved my life Bruce” Tony said quietly. 

“Well don’t feel too special” Bruce retorted. “He probably just wanted to be able to squash you himself.”

“But he didn’t, could have but didn’t.” Tony looked solemnly at Bruce. “Look buddy I know how you feel about him but you’ve never actually met him you’ve only seen the aftermath. Let’s face it New York wasn’t exactly pretty the morning after was it? Doesn’t mean we are bad guys, sometimes a situation calls for things to be broken, collateral damage and all that.” Tony slid the pencil behind his ear as he watched Bruce shake his head in disagreement.

“I might never have met him face to face but trust me as, err mental roommates I’ve got a pretty good idea about how he works, and to be honest good guys or not if I were mayor of a city I don’t think I’d be too keen on having us around.” By this time Bruce was furiously scrubbing the lenses of his now pristine glasses again. Tony debating making another comment to the team’s defence but he could see that the current conversation had strayed onto uncomfortable ground for Bruce. He’d gotten used to the Doc’s nervous habits and ways to break eye contact when he started feeling awkward and recognised that the scientist’s un-breaking scrutiny of his lenses was his way of distancing himself from the conversation. Tony reached a finger out and spun the tablet so he could look at it. He’d barely started comprehending the swooping lines when Bruce spoke.

“Is it true?” Tony looked up to find that Bruce had replaced his glasses and was staring intently at Tony. His deep brown eyes held a look of concern. Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Depends on what you’re asking” he shot back “Genius here not mind reader!” He flashed Bruce a grin although he wasn’t sure if he wanted the conversation to take whatever route it was about to go down.

“You didn’t bring a suit” Bruce asked simply.

“To be honest, I didn’t really foresee any formal occasions happening up here.” Tony diverted “Fury doesn’t seem the dress up kind.” Bruce smirked at his friend’s flippant answer. Really he should have expected as much.

“You know what I mean Tony.” Tony broke eye contact and stared at the tablet. Anyone one else would get a follow up sarcastic answer but Bruce had a way of getting Tony to be open with him, plus he was probably genuinely concerned as to why.

“Yeah it’s true.” He answered softly before meeting Bruce’s gaze again. He had an uncomfortable feeling that he had to explain why. Bruce wasn’t pressing but Tony could feel it sitting like a weight on his chest.

“To be honest I don’t have a working combat ready suit, a few prototypes made it but...” He trailed off sadly. His mind taken back to the last night he’d worn an Iron Man suit. “I guess after Pep…” His eyebrow pinched together and his breath hitched slightly, Tony cleared his throat “I err, just didn’t feel like it.” He tried to make the last sentence come off as though repairing his suit or building a new one was just another annoying society charity function that he was grateful to brush off. He hadn’t realised that he was staring at the desk again until Bruce put one of his warm hands on Tony’s fore arm.

“I’m so sorry about Pepper.” Bruce intoned softly. “I know what she meant to you.” Tony felt a huge aching lump of grief in throat. His eyes prickled menacingly threating what little hold he had on his emotions. He didn’t trust his voice enough to speak so he just nodded his understanding. Bruce looked sadly at man in front of him, arms outstretched, hands gripping the edge of lab table like it was life support, head bowed down so his face was hidden. Although Tony was known for his attitude and swagger Bruce knew that there was a very different side to him. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the funeral, I didn’t find out until after…” Bruce’s voice trailed off. He hadn’t known when Pepper was killed. The first he actually heard of it was when he saw Tony’s broken face as he’d knelt by the graveside flashing across a TV screen broadcasting American news in small bar just out of Pattaya, Thailand. Bruce’s heart ached at the thought of what his friend and gone through. For all of his swagger and his billions Tony really had lost everything. Bruce rubbed the side of Tony’s arm with his thumb.

“Hey, if ever you need to talk to anyone I’m here for you remember that.” Tony stayed stock still, Bruce wasn’t even sure he’d heard him. “I’ve been there, I know what it’s like.” A small nod from Tony told Bruce that he had at least been heard. Bruce removed his hand from Tony’s arm and sat back on his stool. He surveyed the scene in front of him. The holograms from the tablet all but forgotten. Bruce seized upon it. 

“So anyway care to enlighten me how to get a 20lb piece of metal down to the size of a flashlight Mr Engineering Genius?” Tony lifted his head, red rimmed eyes met with soft brown ones and he flashed Bruce a genuine smile grateful that the other scientist had changed the subject for him.

“Thought you’d never ask Doc!”

***  
Later that evening most of the Avengers were already sat in the Helicarrier’s canteen area when Bruce and Tony walked through the door. Tony was chatting animatedly, his gesturing indicted that he was actually excited about the metal device he held in his hand. Steve frowned trying to figure out what could be so exciting about something what looked to be, for all intents and purposes, a slightly on the large side metal permanent marker. 

“…So by realigning the microarrays you’re able to reconfigure the forward projection entirely!” Tony waved the device happily in front of Bruce.

“Well I have to say I’m impressed, I didn’t think it was ever going to work.” Bruce picked up a tray and selected his food. Tony stopped for second as though he had completely forgotten the reason that they had left the lab in the first place, shrugged, slipped the newly created device in his back pocket and followed Bruce’s example sliding into the bench next to him. 

“I take it you boys have a new toy?” Natasha lifted an eyebrow in their direction.

“Ummm, yeah” Tony started pulling the contraption out of his pocket hastily trying to gulp down the mouthful of food he was talking through. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Tony balanced the cylindrical tube on the palm of his hand. Steve paused halfway through forking a mouthful of potatoes.

“Err yeah I suppose, but what is it?” Tony looked at it for a split second, paused and promptly announced with a huge grin on his face,

“Bruce’s gamma rod” as though it answered all the questions in the world. Clint suddenly started choking at the end of the table earning a swift slap on the back from Natasha. After dislodging the death corn from his throat he looked up eyes crinkled with the effort of trying not to laugh again.

“Do you actually hear what comes out of your mouth sometimes Stark!” He stabbed another mouthful of food chuckling and shaking his head. Bruce shook his head blushing slightly at Tony’s choice of name.

“What Tony means to say is that it’s a gamma device I’ve been working on for a little while. It’s designed to sterilise medical equipment in areas that are less than ideal.” Clint was still smirking,

“I actually think I prefer Tony’s description.” Natasha rolled her eyes at him “What?” Clint grinned at her innocently.

“Child.” Came her soft yet definitely threatening reply. Steve and Bruce launched into an in depth discussion about the various applications of the new device. Comparing third world/second world war stories of various medical procedures and necessities. Clint and Natasha were talking to each other in their super-secret ninja spy way that was so quiet Tony doubted if they actually knew what the other one was talking about. Tony just sat eating his food half listening to the Steve/Bruce conversation. He was surprised at how little he had eaten in comparison to how full he was getting, then he remembered that his last few days had been entirely fuelled on alcohol and caffeine. Oh what he’d do for some alcohol right about now. A nice glass of Scotch preferably. Tony was becoming acutely aware of just how close to sober he was getting. Well time to keep his hands busy. He slipped out of the bench and put his tray in the appropriate receptacle and stalked out of the canteen towards the lab hands stuffed into his pockets.

***  
Bruce wasn’t sure what jerked him awake, all his sleep muddled mind could process was it was dark and every cell in his body was screaming at him to run. His heart was pounding in his chest. Breathe Banner he thought to himself. He concentrated on the steady in through his nose out through his mouth breathing that he was so practiced at. It was unlike Bruce to have nightmares, well okay that wasn’t technically true, it was unlike Bruce to be awoken, this shaken ,from nightmares and while his heart was pounding like it had taken a fright he didn’t have any of the gut wrenching revulsion that his own particular nightmares left him with, no it couldn’t have been that. Bruce leaned over and put his glasses on so he could make out the figures on the dial of his watch 3.30, too early to get up yet. He laid his head back on the pillow smoothing the blankets over his body. He was just reaching up to remove his glasses when he heard a loud thump against one of adjoining walls followed by a half strangled cry. Bruce leapt out of bed wide awake in an instant. He had no idea what made the noise but he knew he needed to find out. Wearing only the pyjama bottoms he had been sleeping in he quietly let himself out of his room and padded silently down the corridor outside. While he may not be the calibre of Natasha, Bruce had had a fair amount of practice at slipping out of places quietly and unseen and his body operated on his auto pilot understanding of do not be heard. He came to a standstill outside of an unmarked room. Cocking his head to listen he could just make out soft whimpers permeating from the door. Bruce wrapped his hand around the handle and hesitated. He had no idea who’s room it was or what was actually happening behind the door. He definitely didn’t know if he would be a welcome intrusion. Just as he was about to remove his hand another yell issued followed by more banging. Resolve strengthened, Bruce turned the handle. The door opened easily, whoever was in there hadn’t locked him out. 

He scanned the room as soon as he entered. All the years running and hiding in places often with no electricity supply had gifted Bruce with excellent night vision. A basic Spartan clone of the room he was staying himself. A figure lay face down on the bed entwined in the sheets. Before he had chance to speak the body started thrashing about, hard elbows and knees crashing into the wall. The soft glow of a partially covered arc reactor filled the room as the figure in the bed flopped onto its back. Tony threw his arms to half cover his face. In sleep tears were streaming freely down his cheeks. He gave another strangled cry before starting to thrash around again. Bruce was not only concerned by the fact that one of his best, make that only friends, was obviously trapped in some terrible nightmare but he was also worried that with the way he was thrashing about it was only a matter of time before Tony smashed his head into the corner of the metal military style bedside cabinet. He sat on the edge of the bed and tried to shake Tony awake.

“Tony, Tony come on buddy wake up.” Tony thrashed around a bit more. Bruce took both hands and shook Tony roughly be the shoulders. Tony jerked awake his initial reaction was that he was still under attack, still had to get to Pepper. He started to fight Bruce’s grip. Bruce realised that he needed to restrain Tony else he may end up getting another, definitely more green hued visitor in his room. He wrapped his arms around Tony’s chest pinning the billionaire’s arms by his side and gripping his wrists firmly with his hands. Tony’s continued struggling caused fiery waves of pain to shoot down his injured side but he kept his grip. Pain was something Bruce knew how to handle. It took a few minutes but eventually Tony sagged in Bruce’s arms, his chest heaving as he couldn’t control the sobbing. Bruce released his grip on Tony’s wrists but kept his arms around him turning slightly so that Tony could lean his head against his chest. As awkward as the situation should have and probably would be in the morning Bruce knew that right now Tony needed him. Keeping one arm wrapped firmly around his friend’s waist Bruce used his other arm to wrap up around his chest resting his hand on the back of Tony’s head. Tony curled automatically into Bruce’s embrace, the sobs that he’d held in for so long threatened to break him in half they were coming so hard.

“You’re ok, you’re not alone.” Bruce murmured softly “I’ve got you” He caressed the hairline behind Tony’s ear with the pad of his thumb, resting his chin on the top of Tony’s head like his own mother used to down when Bruce awoke from nightmares. Yes Bruce Banner knew the pain of loss very well, and he had no intention of leaving Tony alone in dark. Tears dripped from Tony’s face running down Bruce’s chest but Tony made no effort to struggle free. Bruce carried on murmuring to him. He had a feeling that this could be a very long night indeed.  
 


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce was sat alone in the canteen. At 6.50 the early shift had already started and the later risers had yet to make their way down to find food. Bruce liked the peace. He usually rose about five, five thirty and headed to the lab for an hour or so. Until the shift start at 6.30 the canteen was chaotic and Bruce would much rather eat in solitude, or at least in as close to solitude as you could get on board an airship with over three hundred crew members. He idly chased lumps of granola around his mostly empty bowl with the tip of his spoon, bobbing them under the surface of the milk when he caught them. He continued his for a few minutes before abandoning his spoon in favour of running his hands up his face, the tips of his fingers sliding underneath his glasses to rub his eyes. He was going to feel it today, he could tell. He’d stayed with Tony just as he’d promised. Eventually the sobs had subsided. Tony hadn’t offered to pull away so Bruce had stayed exactly as he was until soft little snores had let him know that Tony had drifted back to sleep. It wasn’t until then that Bruce had gently lowered him down on to his mattress, tucked the blankets around him and slipped out the door. By that time it had hit 5.30 and was much too late for Bruce to go back to bed so he’d showered dressed and gone to the lab until the canteen cleared out. Not that he held his lack of sleep against Tony. In fact seeing the other scientist in such distress rather worried him because he knew Tony would never willing reach out and ask for help, a stubborn trait Bruce believed related to Tony’s relationship with his father. Bruce also knew just which dark road being that depressed could lead; it was one he’d trodden personally. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the soft footfalls in the canteen until a shadow fell across his face. He looked up to see Tony standing there holding a tray looking…..uncomfortable? Bruce had never seen Tony look like this. Even if something ever did make him feel awkward it was usually well hidden behind a mask of self-assuredness and his shield of sarcasm but now he looked downright unsure. If he had have been a child Bruce would have bet money that he would have been shuffling from foot to foot by now, he was just looking at Bruce expectantly. When Bruce didn’t say anything Tony dipped his head towards the table

“May I……” 

“Err, what…oh sure. You don’t need to ask if you can sit down!”

“I didn’t want to crowd your space.” He flashed a quick grin at Bruce as he slid onto the bench at the other side of the table. Tony’s breakfast consisted of a bagel and a mug of black coffee. Bruce surveyed the tray in front of Tony.

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I took you for more a waffle man myself.”

“Apparently I’m not special enough for waffles. They said if I wanted waffles I’d have to come during peak times and ya know….eat with other people!” Tony shuddered theatrically. Bruce smirked and shook his head.

“Hey you can’t judge Dr I-sneak-in –when-no-one-else-is-here Banner.” Retorted Tony through a mouthful of Bagel.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you table manners?”

“Pepper tried” he said automatically through an equally full mouth. Bruce watched as the now familiar shadow flicked across his face, scrunching his eyebrows together in a small frown. Tony reached out a grabbed his mug of coffee as though trying to distract himself. He took a huge gulp and started choking and spluttering almost instantly.

“My God this coffee is shocking!” Tony glared at the offending mug “I mean seriously, Dummy makes better coffee than this!” Bruce tapped his mug lightly with his finger nail.

“That’s why I went with tea.”

“Yeah but I NEED caffeine!”

“Actually if you use more leaves and only steep them for a few minutes you get a higher level of caffeine in tea than in most coffee.”

“But it doesn’t smell like caffeine!” Tony grumbled eyeing his mug trying to weigh up the lesser of two evils between not drinking coffee and drinking that coffee.

“Suit yourself.” Bruce shrugged and took a drink from his mug. Tony sighed and picked up his own mug wincing as he took a mouthful, swallowing it as quickly as he could.

“Blurgh” Bruce smiled at the face he pulled. “Ok first thing we need to do is invent something can make this” he waved his mug in circles at the side of his head “taste remotely like coffee, although as that would require a machine that could make a non-food substance edible we just may just end world hunger at the same time.” Bruce shook his head and chuckled again covering his mouth with his fist as it turned into a yawn.

“How’s that tea working for you now buddy?” Tony quipped.

“The tea’s working fine, I’m just a bit tired that all.” As soon as the words left his mouth Bruce wanted to claw them back. Tony’s face fell and he deflated a little in his seat.

“Yeah about that….”

“Look don’t mention it, it’s nothing.”

“Stop taking words out of my mouth Banner.”

“Great minds…”

“Sorry, I err, I didn’t mean to….disturb you. I actually thought I’d picked a room in an empty corridor.”

“You pretty much did. Apparently having the….other guy on the same corridor as you isn’t conducive to a good night’s sleep.” The self-deprecation in the way Bruce said it was lost on Tony, he was too busy staring at the crumbs on his now empty plate. Bruce looked up at Tony. He’d gone from almost his normal self to looking…well, horrid. Bruce sighed and reached across the table to put his hand on Tony’s arm.

“Look Tony, if you ever, ever need to talk about anything, I’m here for you ok?” Tony nodded and looked up.

“Thanks Bruce.” He said sincerely, then “Do you actually mean that? Ya know the anything part?”

“Sure”

“About last night…..” Tony hesitated as though he was searching for the right words, Bruce just waited patiently. Tony looked up then and looked Bruce right in the eye.

“You have the hairiest chest I think I’ve ever seen, I mean it’s downright luxurious! Have you been using Thor’s shampoo as body wash or something?” Bruce just looked at him for a moment and burst out laughing. An honest to god full on laugh. It struck Tony for a moment that he didn’t think he’d ever heard Bruce laugh before, chuckle yes but not laugh, not like this.

“Hey dude, buddy, no judgement remember? You’re not supposed to laugh at me!” Bruce was still laughing as Steve slid in beside Tony. He looked at Bruce laughing and then at Tony, one eyebrow raised.

“Did I miss something?”

“I think the good Doc is suffering from temporary insanity.” Tony was still watching Bruce as he finally managed to get his mirth under control. Bruce just shook his head grinning at Tony. 

“Good morning Steve.” He said still grinning. Of all the things he had been prepared for he had not expected that to come out of Tony’s mouth. Steve took a long drink out of his mug.

“You know I’ve got to admit, these guys sure do know how to make a great cup of coffee.” Tony looked at Steve like he was losing his mind.

“Seriously you actually like this crap! Cos if so I think I’ve just found a new way to dispose of radioactive sludge! Wait is that….how did you manage to get waffles!” Tony pointed at Cap’s plate rather indignantly.

“I just asked” Steve responded. Tony levelled a glare at the cafeteria lady. When Steve looked as well the girl behind the counter blushed and waved. Steve blushed and waved back.

“Well I think I’m going to head to the lab…at least there I feel special!” Tony stood up, grabbed his tray and stalked off. Bruce could just hear him muttering “…damn special enough, not spangly enough more like…”

“What’s got his goat Doc?” Steve asked Bruce. Bruce chuckled,

“The girls behind the counter denied his waffle request. I don’t think he’s used to not getting his own way, especially with women. I’m sure he’ll be over it by lunch.”

Tony was not over it by lunch. In fact by lunch he’d complained about it so much that Bruce never wanted to even see another waffle again let alone eat one! 

“I’m just saying that it’s a form of discrimination, and in today’s society it’s just not acceptable.”

“Tony’s its waffles!”

“It starts with waffles Bruce but where does it end? Separate seating areas? No vegans on the Helicarrier? You can’t discriminate against people because of what they choose to eat!”

“They didn’t discriminate against you they just didn’t make you waffles.”

“No they made special allowances for certain people that they are not willing to make for everyone. I don’t care what you say that’s discrimination Bruce. Really I would have thought you of all people would have understood. I’m surprised at you big guy.”

“It’s just waffles Tony.” Bruce didn’t even need to look up from his microscope to know that Tony was still walking around waving a screwdriver in the air to try and make his point. Really how did he manage to go almost six entire hours and still not be over waffles? Waffles of all things! Bruce wondered if Tony would still have been as sore if it had been anyone else other than Steve. He almost breathed a sigh of relief when Fury strode into the lab.

“Stark I need a word with you.”

“Umm actually I need a few words with you myself! What kind of discrimination pirates do you staff this ship with? Although actually pirates don’t usually discriminate against people, anyone is technically fair game……. “

“What the hell is he talking about?” Fury looked at Bruce in confusion as Tony was still ranting. Bruce really couldn’t help himself.

“Discrimination, he’s been waffling on about it all morning!” Bruce grinned as he went back to his microscope.

“…..wait, did you? Was that a joke big guy? Because kudos on finally cracking one but discrimination really isn’t a joking matter!”

“Look Stark, however you think you’ve been discriminated against, fill out the appropriate form and submit your complaint to admin, now if you don’t mind I need to speak to you.” Tony opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it again. His face taking on a petulant child look.

“Fine, go ahead, speak.”

“It’s classified”

“Look I’m only going to repeat every word you say to Bruce anyway, plus he has the same clearance as me and there’s the small matter that I’m far too busy right now, I couldn’t possibly leave the lab at this crucial moment in time.” He waved his hand in the general direction of the thing he was working on. Fury eyed the contraption which was a mass of metal parts and circuit boards vaguely resembling the base of a blender. Bruce was almost certain that it was actually a coffee machine. Fury looked from Tony to Bruce and back to Tony who had gone back to fiddling with whatever is was he was building.

“We need the location of your suit. We need to retrieve it and bring it on board.”

“Sorry can’t help ya.” Tony shrugged.

“Can’t or won’t?” Fury raised his eyebrow, hands on his hips glaring at Tony with the cutting power of a high end laser. 

“Can’t.”

“Look, Stark this is no time….”

“I don’t have one.” Tony swivelled the stool he was sitting on so he could look directly at Fury.

“You’re Iron Man.” Fury drawled slowly putting particular emphasis on the words iron and man “how can Iron Man not have a freakin Iron Man suit!” Bruce could tell he was agitated by the last part. Tony just shrugged.

“Blown up” and twisted back to face the work bench.

“Blown……” Fury took a steadying breath then pressed his lips together. “Look if you don’t currently have a functional suit then I’d suggest you better start building one!” Tony turned back around and gave the Director his best innocent face.

“Can’t, sorry.”

“Wha…Why can’t you build a new suit?”

“This ship” Tony said waving his screwdriver round again, “has neither the equipment, tools nor materials required to fabricate a new suit, plus you wouldn’t let me bring J.A.R.V.I.S. and he has all my blueprints so… sorry, can’t.”

“So you won’t build a suit because we wouldn’t let you bring your toy on board?”

“Umm one, can’t not won’t you really need to learn to differentiate between the two and two, J.A.R.V.I.S. happens one of, if not the most technologically advanced A.I. systems on the planet so please don’t refer to him as a toy!” Tony huffed his chest out in a very defensive manner. Fury just stood there eyeing Tony. Bruce sat up, he was quite interested in who would win this face off.

“Then what do you suggest?” Fury’s tone almost seemed to be daring Tony.

“Hmmm, well you can go back to the tower and bring every piece of lab equipment and machinery I have back here, assuming of course that this thing will still be able to fly, oh and install J.A.R.V.I.S. onto your mainframe, or you can send me home!” Tony gave Fury a smart assed grin looking full well like he knew that he’d won.

“How can you expect me to send you home when you’re supposed to be team building?”

“Well if you want a suit I don’t really see any other options. I’ll guess I’ll go pack.” Tony jumped off his stool and walked to where Bruce was sitting slapping his hand on the table. “Nice sciencing with you big guy.” Fury was scowling. Bruce was no fan of the Helicarrier himself. Just as Tony was level with Fury he found himself blurting out.

“Didn’t you convert the tower to be the Avengers Tower?” Tony stopped for a moment then pivoted around slowly on his heels.

“What gave you that idea?”

“Well Steve was saying that he went over to help while you were doing it. He was saying that you have everything there now, gym, shooting range, communal areas, a better set up than here really.” The look of panic that was setting into Tony’s eyes actually amused Bruce. It was about time he had some social interaction that he couldn’t run from and the Tower was perfect!

“Yeah, um , maybe but that was then, and this is now.” Tony looked at Bruce. “Are you seriously suggesting that I let a pair of ninja spies, a super solider and, should he show up, an Asgardian God have full run of Stark Tower?”

“Yes.”

“And I thought you were a genius.”

“Come on it has to be better for team building than here.”

“No.”

“Give me one valid reason, other than you’re antisocial.”

“I value my ducting.”

“Antisocial.” Tony stood looking at Bruce, his mouth kept opening and closing as he kept thinking of reasons and then disregarding them. He reminded Bruce of a rather comical looking fish.

“Well that settles it.” Fury boomed happily at the opportunity to out manoeuvre Stark, “I’ll let the others know.” He strode out of the door. Tony sagged a little and clenched his teeth. 

“You do know that I’m holding you personally responsible for anything and everything they break, and for god’s sake stop looking so amused, this is not funny. We really need to go over the appropriate parameters of a joke with you because that is simply not funny.”

“At least you’ll get waffles!”

That, thought Tony, is probably the only good that will come of this, as he strode back towards his room.


	4. Chapter 4

Much to Tony’s great dismay it took less than an hour for Fury to both inform the others and for them to have their gear arranged on the flight deck waiting for a quinjet to become available. He supposed that’s what you got when you had a combined group of one man desperate to get home, two agents ready at the drop of a hat, a military guy that he strongly suspected lived out of his military issue sausage bag and one giant green rage monster that tended to eschew belongings. He had kind of been hoping that he would get at least a day to himself to Avenger proof the place.

The journey back to the tower was no more pleasant than the one a few days earlier. Sure he didn’t have the hangover from hell but he was squished between Cap and Hawkeye. It was a little up close and personal for his liking. He wished everyone would give him as much room as they did Bruce, seriously the guy did not appreciate some of the benefits being the Hulk gave him. At least he was looking forward to getting home. He just didn’t like the idea of the others being with him, or touching his stuff, or, or, hmm well to be honest he didn’t like the idea of working on the suit, and that’s what was waiting for him. He slouched glumly in his seat. Actually he was annoyed at being blindsided by Fury, no wait, it was Banner he was annoyed at, or was it Steve for telling Banner? He wasn’t totally sure who he was annoyed at, he was just annoyed. He hated sleepovers; he’d never had them as a child and didn’t see why he should start now. What was even the point of owning a tower if you couldn’t say who could use it. It was like his super-secret club house was being invaded by cootie carrying girls and he did not like it! Whose stupid idea had it been to change it into an Avengers tower? Oh wait that was Pepper’s. She didn’t usually have dumb ideas. He wrapped his arms around himself and dug his chin into his chest. Well if not dumb he was at least going to class this as a less-than-stellar idea. He tried being mad at Pepper as the quinjet rumbled underneath him but mad just kept turning into sad. Tony sighed.

The air buffeted Tony’s back as the quinjet left the tower’s helipad. He carried his bag through the glass door into the living room. Come to think of it that’s another thing he didn’t like about S.H.I.E.L.D. they made him carry things. He scowled at the scene playing out in front of him in the middle of his living room. Cap was stood, bag in hand, looking around like he unsure where to put himself, Natasha was…nowhere to be seen well that’s worrying Tony thought, Clint was sprawled over Tony’s sofa aiming a tablet at the TV and randomly hitting the screen with his thumb like it was a remote, idiot must have watched too many sci fi movies, as if I need a tablet to switch on a tv! Bruce was shuffling awkwardly around the living room running his hands over the back of one another massaging his palms with his thumbs looking guilty at the now refurbished floor. Well that at least made Tony smile. He dropped his bag and strode into the living room startling Bruce slightly as he clapped him on the back.

“I was going to get it enshrined in acrylic but it’s just not as cool as carbonite.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Why? You can’t affect the coolness of things can you? Cos if you can you’ve been holding out on me big guy.”

“No, the floor Tony.”

“Are you kidding? The Hulk literally wiping the floor with Loki has to be my favourite all time security video footage. Seriously I watch it at least once a month.” Tony shot a grin at Bruce and then turned to Clint swiping his feet off the couch and grabbing the abused tablet. “Um shoes, and er mine” Clint glowered at Tony.

“Well how the hell are you supposed to turn this thing on anyway? I’ve missed TV.”

“J.A.R.V.I.S please put the TV on an appropriate age restricted channel.” The giant TV screen on the wall flicked to life tuning in to the Disney channel.

“Ah come on Stark!” Clint complained “Disney Princesses? Seriously!”

“Hey you missed TV.” He gestured his arm towards the screen “TV!”

“Ass.” Clint grumbled.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. please give everyone in this room security level 2 access, except Mr Barton who gets level 1 and Dr Banner who gets level 3.”

“Level one, what does that get me?”

“Permission to exist, breathe, walk and leave the tower. Oh and bathroom access, but not for any electronics or any areas other than the general areas.” Clint wrinkled his nose in a scowl.

“How come he gets level three?” he complained waving an arm towards Bruce.

“Because I said so, plus he needs to do science stuff and you need level three to access the labs and workshops.”

“But what if I need to come and speak with you and you’re in a lab somewhere?”

“Why do you think you have level one?” Tony quipped as he strode off. His “Follow me” was almost lost to the others and they had move quickly to catch the billionaire as he gave them a lightening tour of the new tower set up.

\---

Later that evening after everyone had installed themselves in their allocated rooms and Clint and Steve had thoroughly examined both the gym and the range the group found themselves converging in the common area, all be it Tony was only there at the insistence of Bruce, well that and a desire to check that his tower hadn’t already been destroyed. He leaned casually against the living area wall arms crossed, observing the scene before him. Bruce had settled himself in a chair scribbling away into a battered book that could have passed for either a notebook or a journal Tony wasn’t really sure. Natasha was nowhere to be seen again, which always put Tony a little on edge. Steve and Clint were settled into the cushy sofa, Steve with a serene peaceful look on his face, Clint scowling and clearly in a huff over something.

“Seriously Steve, really?” Clint turned his head to glare eyebrow raised at the super soldier, arms crossed, back rigid.

“Look I wanted to watch it when it came out but stuff kinda got in the way.” Steve shrugged giving Clint a small smile.

“Really? Come on there has to be something other than Casablanca on!”

“You can’t knock a bit of Humphrey Bogart, Clint. It’s a classic.” Bruce piped up eyes never leaving his page.

“It’s ancient! Plus it’s not even the colour version.” Clint flopped his head back into the sofa’s cushions resigned to his fate.

“Hey careful what you dub ancient.” Steve stressed the word ancient in exactly the same way that Clint had, mouth turned up in an amused smile. Clint rolled his eyes.

“Hey Tash, find anything to eat yet?” he yelled in the general direction of the kitchen. Natasha’s head popped around the corner of the wall that separated the living area from the kitchen area.

“Actually, no I haven’t” She fixed Tony with an inquisitive glare that would have many lesser men quaking in their boots. “Stark where do you hide your actual food? I can find snacks but nothing that doesn’t comprise mainly of saturated fats or salt.”

“Oh, I dib the sat fats.” Clint shouted with a smirk. Natasha raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow in a very disapproving way before turning her attention back to Tony. Tony’s face sported the same kind of sympathetic look that someone would wear if they were dealing with a very young child asking the world’s most obvious questions and without uncrossing one arm raised the other so that his elbow was still cupped by his other hand but his index finger pointed straight to the ceiling. Natasha’s lips parted slightly her eyebrows pinched with the unspoken question. Tony sighed with silent exasperation.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. could you please give Miss Romanov a complete listing of all the local food establishments, excluding the ones we placed on the never again list.”

“ _It would be my pleasure sir_.” Came the smooth British response. Natasha wandered back into the kitchen area as J.A.R.V.I.S. started listing all the various eateries in the local area along with any applicable comments, stopping and projecting menus any that grabbed Natasha’s attention.

Around an hour later Tony was stood facing the room height windows, his breath leaving the faintest fog on the glass as he watched the fading sunlight filter across the New York skyline. J.A.R.V.I.S.’ voice broke into his meandering thoughts informing the team that their food had arrived. Clint leapt from the couch.

“I’ll grab it.” He tossed back at the group as he bounded off toward the elevators. He returned with three huge bags, hot and steamy and smelling of all kinds of delicious delights hidden within. Bruce was carrying plates and cutlery that he’d found in the kitchen and placed them on the sizable coffee table where Clint was in the process of tearing into the bags. You’d think SHIELD had been starving him Tony thought as he walked across to the main group. Everyone was helping themselves to the various often unidentifiable dishes. Clint held up what looked like a half moon shaped dumpling pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

“Hey Tash, what’s this?” he asked

“That’s a pelmeni, you know, like the periogi you had had in Poland that time.”

“The ones with the cheese and Bacon? Oh these are good!” he said to Bruce wiggling the tray at him as he picked up another container peeling back the lid once Bruce had relieved him of the foil tray containing the pelmeni. He peered inside and pulled a face.

“Natasha what in the love of all things holy is this?” Natasha raised herself on her knees to take a look what was in the round Styrofoam tub that had Clint treating it as if it might conceivably bite him.

“Oh hand that over that’s mine.” She said hold out her hand to retrieve it.

“Yeah but what is it?” Clint said as he handed over the tub. “As far as I’m aware I can’t think of anything that has the descriptor of purple goop that should be eaten!”

“That purple goop happens to be borscht, and it’s red not purple.” Natasha took the tub and fished a spoon from the pile of flatware.

“No Tasha that’s purple and what’s borscht when it’s at home?” Clint made the word sound almost like a barely contained sneeze as he said it.

“Oh I know this” Piped Steve. ”It’s a soup made of beetroot and tomato?” He asked raising a quizzical eyebrow at Natasha for confirmation.

“That’s right Cap, want to try some?” She offered the container which Steve took gratefully. Clint still held onto his slightly disgusted look.

“Tasha there are some days when I truly worry about you, and today is one of them.” He levelled at Natasha across the table from him. Natasha gave him a small smile that let him know that she knew he was teasing her. Tony picked up a plate and starting selecting food.

“I have to say Agent Romanov I was expecting the usual Chinese or Pizza, you have surprised me.” He said lightly.

“Well when you live in the delivery area of so many Russian take outs, why not?” She shrugged. Clint had another container in his hand eyeing it with unveiled suspicion.

“I think I’ll order tomorrow.” He said. Tony smirked at that as he took the unclaimed chair watching the others alternate between claiming food and settling back to watch the rest of Casablanca, Bruce in his chair, Natasha cross legged on the floor by at the end of the coffee table, Steve relaxed into the couch, Clint perched on the arm of the couch feet on the cushions facing towards the TV. As domesticated as it seemed Tony couldn’t help a small feeling of unease. After all when had domesticated ever gone right for Anthony Edward Stark?


	5. Chapter 5

Bruce walked into the lab at 5:45 the next morning. He’d had the first good night’s sleep in a very long time. The soft beds of the tower cushioned his injuries in a way the hard single beds of the Helicarrier seemed to be specifically designed to irritate them. Plus he didn’t miss the itchy blankets.  Blowing lightly across the top of his mug of tea to cool it and reading the tablet he had in his other hand he almost dropped both in surprise when he rounded the corner and almost walked in to Tony. While is wasn’t unknown for Tony to be in the lab this early it was usually as a result of an all-nighter and accompanied by some form of classic rock making a vicious assault on your ear drums. Not that Bruce minded classic rock it was just they issued volume warnings for health reasons! This morning however the lab had been silent so running into Tony was the last thing Bruce had expected to do. As soon as Bruce had rounded the corner Tony had stood bolt upright, a little too quickly in Bruce’s opinion, and the smile plastered on Tony’s face seemed just a little too bright and shiny.

 

“Good Morning, didn’t expect seeing you down here quite early” Bruce said as he placed both his tablet and tea on the nearest work surface watching Tony who waved his hand lazily in the air.

 

“Thought I’d get an early start to get some work done, ya know before chaos starts raining in the tower.” Tony replied with a small smile rolling his eyes and waggling his eyebrows in mock horror. The fact that he was still wearing yesterday’s clothes and the faint yet  tell-tale sour odour of alcohol reaching Bruce’s nostrils made him doubt the credibility of Tony’s story but he wasn’t about to call him out on it, if Tony wanted to talk he would. Bruce set about opening his files and getting to work.

 

Tony liked Bruce, he didn’t ask a lot of questions. He didn’t totally think his act had fooled him, no Bruce had a way of truly _seeing_ people, probably from years of having to read people while on the run, although he didn’t think even Bruce would quite figure out that he had just avoided sleeping altogether. It made it easier. No nightmares and lots of extra time. If only he didn’t have to think in all that extra time. Although the booze helped with that. Mind he wished he could just have drank himself into blissful velvety oblivion but with a tower full of avengers he figured it wasn’t worth a) the lectures and b) the chance of Clint finding him defenceless because he was fairly certain that was an opportunity that the archer would be almost willing to trade his bow for! He fiddled around with some meaningless files on his tablet until Bruce got up and went for breakfast. Tony slumped back to his former position at his bench, elbows on the table, face buried into his hands.

 

He knew he had to start sometime. Fury would no doubt want a progress report in a few days and if he blew him off enough he might even visit. He was already feeling a distinct loss of control around his own home and that would only get so much worse if Fury took to flapping his oversized coat around the corridors like a giant malignant bat. He scowled into the palms of his hands before lifting his head.

 

“J.A.R.V.I.S.  put some music on buddy, I’m starting to hear myself think.”

 

“ _Of course sir_ ” came the dry British response as the sound of ACDC started to fill the room. Tony picked up a screwdriver and puffed out his cheeks. He could see the sheet at the other end of the workshop out of the corner of his eye. He’d thrown it there to cover the various suit remnants that he’d actually recovered, well that S.H.I.E.L.D. had recovered for him as hadn’t cared at the time, he still didn’t if he was being honest with himself. The only reason that they were still there, looking like some bizarre corpse in a morgue, was because Tony hadn’t been able to drag himself down here in months. Just the sight of it made his heart lurch and a set a heavy weight in his chest and that was before he even uncovered it. He knew it was irrational. Fury was right, if he wanted to be Iron Man he needed a suit, he just wasn’t sure if that’s what he wanted anymore.

 

How could he be some kind of superhero if he couldn’t even save those he loved? For all his fame and fortune he was basically just a man in can, powerless really. He didn’t have a Hulk he could unleash or muscles on top of muscles like Steve, he couldn’t even make a half decent spy, hell he didn’t even make a half decent human being most days! No the only thing remotely remarkable about him was the fact that he was able to encase himself in a metal suit, one that Pepper had hated and wanted him to get rid of. He’d promised her he would, was it going to be yet another promise to her that he was going to break? In fact if he’d never made the suits to start with she’d probably be alive right now. They had made him feel powerful, invincible and that had led directly to his stupid, stupid stunt outside of the hospital. What kind of idiot leads terrorists straight to the people they love? He was supposed to protect people, especially Pepper! Not only had he failed to do that he had painted a target on her himself. He had directly played as much a part in her death as any of the terrorists involved with AIM.  He was responsible. That thought tore the air from his lungs as surely as if someone had punched him the stomach. He felt sick from the very realisation. The lump in his throat grew so large it burned and tears he refused to shed raked at the back of his eyeballs like red hot pokers. He grabbed a wrench off the worktop in front of him and hurled it with all of his anger filled, self-loathing might blindly across the room. It hit with a crash, caving in the front of a metal cabinet.

 

He tried to take a deep calming breath, he needed to get a handle on it, he couldn’t lose it….he couldn’t….couldn’t…..couldn’t breathe!   Panic started to set in. It was just like being back in the wormhole, no air! His mind dove straight back into the blackness of space. The surety that not only was he going to die but he was going to die cold and alone. So so cold. His hands scrabbled vainly against a chest that felt too small, fingers brushing the hard surface of the arc reactor that felt too big, robbing his lungs of the chance to inflate. A tiny tiny portion of his brain dully registered that he was going into a full blown panic attack the rest of it was telling him he was going die. Black star bursts bloomed in front of his eyes and Tony could feel himself sliding out of consciousness. He was completely unaware that his music had shut off or that there was a large warm hand rubbing soothing circles on his back until he heard Bruce’s steady voice right next to his ear.

 

“It’s going to be ok Tony, I’ve got you. Just breathe for me buddy. In and out, in and out, that’s it, you’re gonna be ok.” Tony nodded vainly trying to focus on Bruce’s voice, trying to drag much needed oxygen into his parched lungs. “In and out, you’re doing just fine”

 

His entire body was shaking with the effort. Bruce had captured his scrambling hands and had arranged Tony so his head was almost between his knees. He stared at his sneakers concentrating on breathing. The tiny part of his brain that was retaining logic informed him that he should be feeling embarrassed right about now but the rest was celebrating the oxygen rushing through his veins.

 

Tony was very aware when Bruce pulled away, he carried on staring at the laces in his sneakers as the panic slowly dissipated from his body. Bruce was leaning against the worktop facing him but Tony didn’t bother to look up.  He raised his hands to hold his head, elbows resting on his knees. He could see Bruce’s shoes out of the corner of eye and briefly wondered where all heck he got them from. He understood battered but he was fairly certain that they were so old even thrift stores would turn away shoes of that design.

 

Bruce just stood silently while Tony stared at his shoes. He was really worried about him. He knew Tony was taking it hard but to walk in on him having a full blown panic attack in own lab of all places. He was fairly certain that was something he was keeping quiet. He wondered if maybe Fury knew and maybe this was why he had pulled them together but he dismissed that thought as soon as it registered that it would have required both someone getting close enough to Tony to find out and Fury actually caring on a human level and not as a dispassionate mission leader. The minutes dragged by, Tony made no offer to move or interact.

 

“Want to talk about it?” he asked softly.

 

“Nope.” Tony let his wrists go slack so his head sank further forward. He was the picture of utter dejection. Bruce nodded letting the silence hang in the air for another minute.

 

“How long have you been having panic attacks?” Bruce enquired gently. Tony just ran his hands through his hair but stayed silent. “Look Tony, I just..”

 

“Just, just what Bruce, tell me” Tony snapped bitterly, his head shooting up to glare at Bruce eyes bright with anger and hatred. “Why the fuck do you even care, you’re not that kind of doctor anyway remember.” Tony stood quickly and turned away from Bruce leaning the heels of his palms against a worktop locking his arms to rest his weight on them head hanging down eyes unseeing. The anger radiated through his body with every pulse of his heartbeat. What the fuck did Bruce want from him anyway? He could hardly claim to be the poster boy of emotional stability! So what if Tony had a few issues? Who didn’t?! He was so busy focusing on his angry breathing he didn’t notice Bruce move to his side.

 

“I just want you to know that I’m here if you need anything.” Bruce’s voice was barely more than a whisper. He leaned forward and slid something in front Tony. “I thought you might want to procrastinate over these a little.” He said, voice back to its regular tone. He turned then and walked away back to the work top where his now cold tea was sitting. Tony looked down to see a plate with a stack of pancakes sat on it. His shoulders sagged. He wasn’t angry at Bruce, he knew he wasn’t. He raised a hand to his face covering his eyes and then dragged it down to chin. The anger had gone leaving behind the cold feeling of shame and the knowledge that he’d lashed out at one of the few people who probably actually gave a rats ass about Tony the person not Tony the bank balance. He looked up sheepishly.

 

“Look Bruce…..I’m sorry……I….”

 

“Hey there’s no need to apologise. Trust me I understand angry.”  He gave Tony a small reassuring smile.

 

“No I lashed out at you and I…..shouldn’t have done that” Tony sighed. Bruce just shrugged taking a forkful of his own stack of pancakes and waving his fork in Tony’s general direction indicating Tony should also eat. Tony grinned despite himself and dragged a stool to sit opposite Bruce. “Thanks for the procrastination pancakes by the way” he said.

 

“No problem, so what shall we avoid doing for the rest of today?” He said looking Tony squarely in the eyes. Tony just grinned. God had he missed Bruce.


End file.
